Flayer? I hardly even know her!

What? Nothing? Not even a chuckle? I'll have you know that I worked on that article setup for a good two minutes! You wound me, dear reader. You truly do.

Now, I may be able to take the cold shoulder during a set, but this week's commander surely can't. You know him and you love him (at least, you'd better): it's Blim, Comedic Genius! You heard me right! THAT Blim! Famous for slaying the crowd with yucks and projectiles, our commander truly puts the laughter in slaughter.

The Commander

All chuckles aside, Blim is one of those commanders that draws you in. While he may be a bit of a pain to play via webcam commander, Blim is actually perfect to play this holiday season. Not only does he give the gift of laughter, but he gives the gift of our permanents! He very much likes to pull the old switcheroo, if you catch my drift. Typical Switcheroo commanders include the newly printed Inniaz, the Gale Force and the Zedruu the Greathearted—however, their abilities lacked the spice that Rakdos typically adds to a commander. Yeah, we can give them things that hurt, but the extra sting that goes along with Blim makes him stand out among the rest.

Blim's punchline: cast hurtful things and give them to the audience member that doesn't laugh the loudest!

Needful Things

All good things come with a price. Every blocker, every extra card draw, even every tutor. When facing Blim, gifts should be received with extreme caution. While some of the cards we can give to our opponents seem relatively harmless, it must be noted that Blim's life loss ability will make them regret accepting the gift either way. Let's start with some of our least impactful gifts: Alpine Guide and Goblin Cadets.

Alpine Guide is a really cute card, allowing us to tutor for a Mountain. When given to an opponent via Blim, his only caveat is that he has to attack. Even if he leaves the battlefield, our opponent has to sacrifice a Mountain. This may not always be the case, as not every opponent will play red (although they should because red is the best color ever printed in Magic). If played strategically, we can convince our opponent that we gave them the gift of a 3/3 attacker with little to no drawback (save for the life they'll lose thanks to Blim).

Another such harmless gift is Goblin Cadets. These little weirdos are hysterically perfect for Blim. While they can deal combat damage, if they block or are blocked they immediately hop to another opponent. These green meanies serve as loss of life that keeps hopping around. They definitely understand what it means to share the love...or...hate.

Let's talk about our super secret agents. These two lurk in the shadows and if need be, strike during a particularly grim performance. I of course am talking about Sleeper Agent and Xantcha, Sleeper Agent. While it's humorous that they have the same name, these two cards are somewhat different. While they both enter the battlefield under someone else's control, each is able to bring something deadly and annoying to the table. Sleeper Agent may deal 2 damage to it's controller during each upkeep—however, this ability only happens once a rotation. Xantcha, however, does so much more! Xantcha's ability is repeatable by any opponent, even us, and allows us to draw a card as well. When played strategically, our opponents will be more than willing to draw some cards and hurt someone else.

The final needful card I'd like to cover is Captive Audience. First off, this card is 100% a flavor win! You cannot tell me that Blim is not performing some atrocity in front of those horrified people. Function-wise, this card is amazing. It's automatically given to an opponent without Blim's ability, and the randomness of it screams Rakdos. While the ultimate choice is for their life total to become 4, this card is obscenely perfect when paired with Blim.

Control

So we've covered some of our nicer things to give to our opponents, it's now time for us to dive deep into our more heinous tricks. Fair warning, this section holds some mean cards. Prepare your barf bags as we dive in.

Let's start with one of my favorite cards in this deck: Aggressive Mining. While I don't condone blatant land destruction, I do enjoy controlling our opponent's ability to play them. Oh, you wanna play your deck? TOO BAD!

Speaking of controlling how our opponents play, I also run two other cards that will end playgroups as we know them: Steel Golem and Grid Monitor. While these two cards are the same, running two of them is imperative in this deck. Playing Blim gives us a bit of a disadvantage. We cannot hide behind the guise of friendly colors like Phelddagrif hides behind Bant. We're playing Rakdos. Our intentions are very clear. Being able to prevent further beatdowns with creatures our opponents will play is important for our survival. The additional loss of life and discard is just gravy after the point.

So we've covered controlling our opponent's lands and creatures. But what about their spells in general? What about their draw steps? Well, we aren't done yet! Next we have Colfenor's Plans. This enchantment is just one of many oddities printed in Lorwyn, and yet it seems to be stunning in this brew. When given to our opponents, they no longer are able to draw cards and can only play one spell per turn. While this may initially cause us to exile 7 cards, the payoff seems too good to be true when given away.

Our final two cards I want to highlight are incredibly weird and incredibly fun. Starting off we have Yuroka, the Prisoner. I knew of this card long before this brew and I always thought it was hysterical. It is definitely a product of its block. It is almost guaranteed that our opponents won't be playing many Ogres, if any at all! Sliding Yuroka to a problematic boardstate and killing it serves as the saltiest of board wipes.

Our final board wipe is Plague Reaper. Whether we pay the cost for its ability or simply hand it off via Blim, this card is much easier to pull off Yuroka. If the opponent cannot get rid of it in time for their end step, all they worked hard to build up on their battlefield will be all for naught.

Magic: The Gathering TCG Deck - Comedic Timing by Chase Carroll

'Comedic Timing' - constructed deck list and prices for the Magic: The Gathering Trading Card Game from TCGplayer Infinite!

Created By: Chase Carroll

Event:

Rank:

Commander

Market Price: $436.70

Cards

Dust Corona

Color Identity:R

Market Price: $0.18

ImageURL: https://tcgplayer-cdn.tcgplayer.com/product/14716_200w.jpg

Enchant creature
Enchanted creature gets +2/+0 and can't be blocked by creatures with flying.

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Bazaar Trader

Color Identity:R

Market Price: $3.25

ImageURL: https://tcgplayer-cdn.tcgplayer.com/product/34336_200w.jpg

{T}: Target player gains control of target artifact, creature, or land you control.

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Tainted Peak

Color Identity:B,R

Market Price: $3.94

ImageURL: https://tcgplayer-cdn.tcgplayer.com/product/9630_200w.jpg

{T}: Add {C}.
{T}: Add {B} or {R}. Activate this ability only if you control a Swamp.

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Bloodstained Mire

Market Price: $24.39

ImageURL: https://tcgplayer-cdn.tcgplayer.com/product/92830_200w.jpg

{T}, Pay 1 life, Sacrifice Bloodstained Mire: Search your library for a Swamp or Mountain card, put it onto the battlefield, then shuffle your library.

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Crypt Ghast

Color Identity:B

Market Price: $6.90

ImageURL: https://tcgplayer-cdn.tcgplayer.com/product/94301_200w.jpg

Extort (Whenever you cast a spell, you may pay {W/B}. If you do, each opponent loses 1 life and you gain that much life.)
Whenever you tap a Swamp for mana, add an additional {B}.

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Humble Defector

Color Identity:R

Market Price: $0.06

ImageURL: https://tcgplayer-cdn.tcgplayer.com/product/227183_200w.jpg

{T}: Draw two cards. Target opponent gains control of Humble Defector. Activate this ability only during your turn.

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Sol Ring

Market Price: $2.36

ImageURL: https://tcgplayer-cdn.tcgplayer.com/product/227075_200w.jpg

{T}: Add {C}{C}.

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Fireshrieker

Market Price: $0.21

ImageURL: https://tcgplayer-cdn.tcgplayer.com/product/227369_200w.jpg

Equipped creature has double strike. (It deals both first-strike and regular combat damage.)
Equip {2} ({2}: Attach to target creature you control. Equip only as a sorcery.)

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Feed the Swarm

Color Identity:B

Market Price: $0.69

ImageURL: https://tcgplayer-cdn.tcgplayer.com/product/221953_200w.jpg

Destroy target creature or enchantment an opponent controls. You lose life equal to that permanent's converted mana cost.

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Arcane Signet

Market Price: $2.31

ImageURL: https://tcgplayer-cdn.tcgplayer.com/product/226694_200w.jpg

{T}: Add one mana of any color in your commander's color identity.

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Rakdos Charm

Color Identity:B,R

Market Price: $0.93

ImageURL: https://tcgplayer-cdn.tcgplayer.com/product/140017_200w.jpg

Choose one —
• Exile all cards from target player's graveyard.
• Destroy target artifact.
• Each creature deals 1 damage to its controller.

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Demonic Pact

Color Identity:B

Market Price: $3.96

ImageURL: https://tcgplayer-cdn.tcgplayer.com/product/100235_200w.jpg

At the beginning of your upkeep, choose one that hasn't been chosen —
• Demonic Pact deals 4 damage to any target and you gain 4 life.
• Target opponent discards two cards.
• Draw two cards.
• You lose the game.

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Vandalblast

Color Identity:R

Market Price: $5.32

ImageURL: https://tcgplayer-cdn.tcgplayer.com/product/108061_200w.jpg

Destroy target artifact you don't control.
Overload {4}{R} (You may cast this spell for its overload cost. If you do, change its text by replacing all instances of "target" with "each.")

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Contested War Zone

Market Price: $0.31

ImageURL: https://tcgplayer-cdn.tcgplayer.com/product/39185_200w.jpg

Whenever a creature deals combat damage to you, that creature's controller gains control of Contested War Zone.
{T}: Add {C}.
{1}, {T}: Attacking creatures get +1/+0 until end of turn.

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Crawlspace

Market Price: $9.79

ImageURL: https://tcgplayer-cdn.tcgplayer.com/product/72074_200w.jpg

No more than two creatures can attack you each combat.

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Dockside Extortionist

Color Identity:R

Market Price: $41.51

ImageURL: https://tcgplayer-cdn.tcgplayer.com/product/196486_200w.jpg

When Dockside Extortionist enters the battlefield, create X Treasure tokens, where X is the number of artifacts and enchantments your opponents control. (Treasure tokens are artifacts with "{T}, Sacrifice this artifact: Add one mana of any color.")

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Geier Reach Sanitarium

Market Price: $1.04

ImageURL: https://tcgplayer-cdn.tcgplayer.com/product/196744_200w.jpg

{T}: Add {C}.
{2}, {T}: Each player draws a card, then discards a card.

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Captive Audience

Color Identity:B,R

Market Price: $4.93

ImageURL: https://tcgplayer-cdn.tcgplayer.com/product/183314_200w.jpg

Captive Audience enters the battlefield under the control of an opponent of your choice.
At the beginning of your upkeep, choose one that hasn't been chosen —
• Your life total becomes 4.
• Discard your hand.
• Each opponent creates five 2/2 black Zombie creature tokens.

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Strionic Resonator

Market Price: $3.48

ImageURL: https://tcgplayer-cdn.tcgplayer.com/product/196447_200w.jpg

{2}, {T}: Copy target triggered ability you control. You may choose new targets for the copy. (A triggered ability uses the words "when," "whenever," or "at.")

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Geth's Grimoire

Market Price: $1.85

ImageURL: https://tcgplayer-cdn.tcgplayer.com/product/11635_200w.jpg

Whenever an opponent discards a card, you may draw a card.

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Immortal Coil

Color Identity:B

Market Price: $0.42

ImageURL: https://tcgplayer-cdn.tcgplayer.com/product/27697_200w.jpg

{T}, Exile two cards from your graveyard: Draw a card.
If damage would be dealt to you, prevent that damage. Exile a card from your graveyard for each 1 damage prevented this way.
When there are no cards in your graveyard, you lose the game.

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Steel Golem

Market Price: $0.95

ImageURL: https://tcgplayer-cdn.tcgplayer.com/product/15340_200w.jpg

You can't cast creature spells.

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Goblin Cadets

Color Identity:R

Market Price: $0.32

ImageURL: https://tcgplayer-cdn.tcgplayer.com/product/47441_200w.jpg

Whenever Goblin Cadets blocks or becomes blocked, target opponent gains control of it. (This removes Goblin Cadets from combat.)

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Alpine Guide

Color Identity:R

Market Price: $0.06

ImageURL: https://tcgplayer-cdn.tcgplayer.com/product/191636_200w.jpg

When Alpine Guide enters the battlefield, you may search your library for a Mountain card, put that card onto the battlefield tapped, then shuffle your library.
Alpine Guide attacks each combat if able.
When Alpine Guide leaves the battlefield, sacrifice a Mountain.

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Xantcha, Sleeper Agent

Color Identity:B,R

Market Price: $16.54

ImageURL: https://tcgplayer-cdn.tcgplayer.com/product/170804_200w.jpg

Xantcha, Sleeper Agent enters the battlefield under the control of an opponent of your choice.
Xantcha attacks each combat if able and can't attack its owner or planeswalkers its owner controls.
{3}: Xantcha's controller loses 2 life and you draw a card. Any player may activate this ability.

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Colfenor's Plans

Color Identity:B

Market Price: $0.34

ImageURL: https://tcgplayer-cdn.tcgplayer.com/product/15451_200w.jpg

When Colfenor's Plans enters the battlefield, exile the top seven cards of your library face down.
You may look at the cards exiled with Colfenor's Plans, and you may play lands and cast spells from among those cards.
Skip your draw step.
You can't cast more than one spell each turn.

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Chaos Warp

Color Identity:R

Market Price: $2.00

ImageURL: https://tcgplayer-cdn.tcgplayer.com/product/212487_200w.jpg

The owner of target permanent shuffles it into their library, then reveals the top card of their library. If it's a permanent card, they put it onto the battlefield.

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Command Tower

Market Price: $0.18

ImageURL: https://tcgplayer-cdn.tcgplayer.com/product/221357_200w.jpg

{T}: Add one mana of any color in your commander's color identity.

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Howling Mine

Market Price: $4.49

ImageURL: https://tcgplayer-cdn.tcgplayer.com/product/124539_200w.jpg

At the beginning of each player's draw step, if Howling Mine is untapped, that player draws an additional card.

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Yukora, the Prisoner

Color Identity:B

Market Price: $0.27

ImageURL: https://tcgplayer-cdn.tcgplayer.com/product/12392_200w.jpg

When Yukora, the Prisoner leaves the battlefield, sacrifice all non-Ogre creatures you control.

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Mountain

Color Identity:R

Market Price: $0.99

ImageURL: https://tcgplayer-cdn.tcgplayer.com/product/230467_200w.jpg

({T}: Add {R}.)

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Swamp

Color Identity:B

Market Price: $1.04

ImageURL: https://tcgplayer-cdn.tcgplayer.com/product/230466_200w.jpg

({T}: Add {B}.)

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Rix Maadi, Dungeon Palace

Color Identity:B,R

Market Price: $0.10

ImageURL: https://tcgplayer-cdn.tcgplayer.com/product/196766_200w.jpg

{T}: Add {C}.
{1}{B}{R}, {T}: Each player discards a card. Activate this ability only any time you could cast a sorcery.

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Myriad Landscape

Market Price: $0.30

ImageURL: https://tcgplayer-cdn.tcgplayer.com/product/226783_200w.jpg

Myriad Landscape enters the battlefield tapped.
{T}: Add {C}.
{2}, {T}, Sacrifice Myriad Landscape: Search your library for up to two basic land cards that share a land type, put them onto the battlefield tapped, then shuffle your library.

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Tibalt, the Fiend-Blooded

Color Identity:R

Market Price: $1.20

ImageURL: https://tcgplayer-cdn.tcgplayer.com/product/67837_200w.jpg

+1: Draw a card, then discard a card at random.
−4: Tibalt, the Fiend-Blooded deals damage equal to the number of cards in target player's hand to that player.
−6: Gain control of all creatures until end of turn. Untap them. They gain haste until end of turn.

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Torment of Hailfire

Color Identity:B

Market Price: $10.00

ImageURL: https://tcgplayer-cdn.tcgplayer.com/product/135074_200w.jpg

Repeat the following process X times. Each opponent loses 3 life unless that player sacrifices a nonland permanent or discards a card.

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Blim, Comedic Genius

Color Identity:B,R

Market Price: $0.15

ImageURL: https://tcgplayer-cdn.tcgplayer.com/product/226410_200w.jpg

Flying
Whenever Blim, Comedic Genius deals combat damage to a player, that player gains control of target permanent you control. Then each player loses life and discards cards equal to the number of permanents they control but don't own.

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Anvil of Bogardan

Market Price: $35.97

ImageURL: https://tcgplayer-cdn.tcgplayer.com/product/5802_200w.jpg

Players have no maximum hand size.
At the beginning of each player's draw step, that player draws an additional card, then discards a card.

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Oath of Lim-Dûl

Color Identity:B

Market Price: $0.38

ImageURL: https://tcgplayer-cdn.tcgplayer.com/product/4821_200w.jpg

Whenever you lose life, for each 1 life you lost, sacrifice a permanent other than Oath of Lim-Dûl unless you discard a card. (Damage dealt to you causes you to lose life.)
{B}{B}: Draw a card.

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Master of the Feast

Color Identity:B

Market Price: $0.76

ImageURL: https://tcgplayer-cdn.tcgplayer.com/product/82235_200w.jpg

Flying
At the beginning of your upkeep, each opponent draws a card.

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Deflecting Swat

Color Identity:R

Market Price: $32.83

ImageURL: https://tcgplayer-cdn.tcgplayer.com/product/212191_200w.jpg

If you control a commander, you may cast this spell without paying its mana cost.
You may choose new targets for target spell or ability.

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Swiftfoot Boots

Market Price: $1.85

ImageURL: https://tcgplayer-cdn.tcgplayer.com/product/226886_200w.jpg

Equipped creature has hexproof and haste.
Equip {1}

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Shizo, Death's Storehouse

Color Identity:B

Market Price: $12.37

ImageURL: https://tcgplayer-cdn.tcgplayer.com/product/12167_200w.jpg

{T}: Add {B}.
{B}, {T}: Target legendary creature gains fear until end of turn. (It can't be blocked except by artifact creatures and/or black creatures.)

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Rakdos Signet

Color Identity:B,R

Market Price: $1.28

ImageURL: https://tcgplayer-cdn.tcgplayer.com/product/212350_200w.jpg

{1}, {T}: Add {B}{R}.

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Dragonskull Summit

Color Identity:B,R

Market Price: $4.14

ImageURL: https://tcgplayer-cdn.tcgplayer.com/product/142035_200w.jpg

Dragonskull Summit enters the battlefield tapped unless you control a Swamp or a Mountain.
{T}: Add {B} or {R}.

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Trailblazer's Boots

Market Price: $1.75

ImageURL: https://tcgplayer-cdn.tcgplayer.com/product/33454_200w.jpg

Equipped creature has nonbasic landwalk. (It can't be blocked as long as defending player controls a nonbasic land.)
Equip {2}

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Blasphemous Act

Color Identity:R

Market Price: $1.92

ImageURL: https://tcgplayer-cdn.tcgplayer.com/product/226866_200w.jpg

This spell costs {1} less to cast for each creature on the battlefield.
Blasphemous Act deals 13 damage to each creature.

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Sleeper Agent

Color Identity:B

Market Price: $0.70

ImageURL: https://tcgplayer-cdn.tcgplayer.com/product/15320_200w.jpg

When Sleeper Agent enters the battlefield, target opponent gains control of it.
At the beginning of your upkeep, Sleeper Agent deals 2 damage to you.

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Wishclaw Talisman

Color Identity:B

Market Price: $1.16

ImageURL: https://tcgplayer-cdn.tcgplayer.com/product/198745_200w.jpg

Wishclaw Talisman enters the battlefield with three wish counters on it.
{1}, {T}, Remove a wish counter from Wishclaw Talisman: Search your library for a card, put it into your hand, then shuffle your library. An opponent gains control of Wishclaw Talisman. Activate this ability only during your turn.

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Sulfurous Springs

Color Identity:B,R

Market Price: $15.70

ImageURL: https://tcgplayer-cdn.tcgplayer.com/product/15345_200w.jpg

{T}: Add {C}.
{T}: Add {B} or {R}. Sulfurous Springs deals 1 damage to you.

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Harmless Offering

Color Identity:R

Market Price: $0.49

ImageURL: https://tcgplayer-cdn.tcgplayer.com/product/120005_200w.jpg

Target opponent gains control of target permanent you control.

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Custody Battle

Color Identity:R

Market Price: $0.39

ImageURL: https://tcgplayer-cdn.tcgplayer.com/product/10587_200w.jpg

Enchant creature
Enchanted creature has "At the beginning of your upkeep, target opponent gains control of this creature unless you sacrifice a land."

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Rogue's Passage

Market Price: $0.39

ImageURL: https://tcgplayer-cdn.tcgplayer.com/product/227325_200w.jpg

{T}: Add {C}.
{4}, {T}: Target creature can't be blocked this turn.

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Goldnight Castigator

Color Identity:R

Market Price: $0.63

ImageURL: https://tcgplayer-cdn.tcgplayer.com/product/115985_200w.jpg

Flying, haste
If a source would deal damage to you, it deals double that damage to you instead.
If a source would deal damage to Goldnight Castigator, it deals double that damage to Goldnight Castigator instead.

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Helm of the Host

Market Price: $11.19

ImageURL: https://tcgplayer-cdn.tcgplayer.com/product/162254_200w.jpg

At the beginning of combat on your turn, create a token that's a copy of equipped creature, except the token isn't legendary if equipped creature is legendary. That token gains haste.
Equip {5}

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Grid Monitor

Market Price: $1.10

ImageURL: https://tcgplayer-cdn.tcgplayer.com/product/11497_200w.jpg

You can't cast creature spells.

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Mishra's War Machine

Market Price: $0.28

ImageURL: https://tcgplayer-cdn.tcgplayer.com/product/1850_200w.jpg

Banding (Any creatures with banding, and up to one without, can attack in a band. Bands are blocked as a group. If any creatures with banding you control are blocking or being blocked by a creature, you divide that creature's combat damage, not its controller, among any of the creatures it's being blocked by or is blocking.)
At the beginning of your upkeep, Mishra's War Machine deals 3 damage to you unless you discard a card. If Mishra's War Machine deals damage to you this way, tap it.

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Lightning Greaves

Market Price: $3.70

ImageURL: https://tcgplayer-cdn.tcgplayer.com/product/218837_200w.jpg

Equipped creature has haste and shroud. (It can't be the target of spells or abilities.)
Equip {0}

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Megrim

Color Identity:B

Market Price: $0.37

ImageURL: https://tcgplayer-cdn.tcgplayer.com/product/32667_200w.jpg

Whenever an opponent discards a card, Megrim deals 2 damage to that player.

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Akroan Horse

Market Price: $0.30

ImageURL: https://tcgplayer-cdn.tcgplayer.com/product/124385_200w.jpg

Defender
When Akroan Horse enters the battlefield, an opponent gains control of it.
At the beginning of your upkeep, each opponent creates a 1/1 white Soldier creature token.

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Kazuul, Tyrant of the Cliffs

Color Identity:R

Market Price: $3.12

ImageURL: https://tcgplayer-cdn.tcgplayer.com/product/124552_200w.jpg

Whenever a creature an opponent controls attacks, if you're the defending player, create a 3/3 red Ogre creature token unless that creature's controller pays {3}.

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Blood Crypt

Color Identity:B,R

Market Price: $15.33

ImageURL: https://tcgplayer-cdn.tcgplayer.com/product/182838_200w.jpg

({T}: Add {B} or {R}.)
As Blood Crypt enters the battlefield, you may pay 2 life. If you don't, it enters the battlefield tapped.

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Pyromancer's Swath

Color Identity:R

Market Price: $0.50

ImageURL: https://tcgplayer-cdn.tcgplayer.com/product/68386_200w.jpg

If an instant or sorcery source you control would deal damage to a permanent or player, it deals that much damage plus 2 to that permanent or player instead.
At the beginning of each end step, discard your hand.

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Tinybones, Trinket Thief

Color Identity:B

Market Price: $26.41

ImageURL: https://tcgplayer-cdn.tcgplayer.com/product/215966_200w.jpg

At the beginning of each end step, if an opponent discarded a card this turn, you draw a card and you lose 1 life.
{4}{B}{B}: Each opponent with no cards in hand loses 10 life.

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Abyssal Persecutor

Color Identity:B

Market Price: $0.51

ImageURL: https://tcgplayer-cdn.tcgplayer.com/product/145399_200w.jpg

Flying, trample
You can't win the game and your opponents can't lose the game.

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Bojuka Bog

Color Identity:B

Market Price: $1.70

ImageURL: https://tcgplayer-cdn.tcgplayer.com/product/212363_200w.jpg

Bojuka Bog enters the battlefield tapped.
When Bojuka Bog enters the battlefield, exile all cards from target player's graveyard.
{T}: Add {B}.

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Heartless Summoning

Color Identity:B

Market Price: $1.41

ImageURL: https://tcgplayer-cdn.tcgplayer.com/product/55979_200w.jpg

Creature spells you cast cost {2} less to cast.
Creatures you control get -1/-1.

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Aggressive Mining

Color Identity:R

Market Price: $0.41

ImageURL: https://tcgplayer-cdn.tcgplayer.com/product/91034_200w.jpg

You can't play lands.
Sacrifice a land: Draw two cards. Activate this ability only once each turn.

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Temple of Malice

Color Identity:B,R

Market Price: $1.13

ImageURL: https://tcgplayer-cdn.tcgplayer.com/product/206635_200w.jpg

Temple of Malice enters the battlefield tapped.
When Temple of Malice enters the battlefield, scry 1. (Look at the top card of your library. You may put that card on the bottom of your library.)
{T}: Add {B} or {R}.

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Font of Mythos

Market Price: $4.02

ImageURL: https://tcgplayer-cdn.tcgplayer.com/product/28538_200w.jpg

At the beginning of each player's draw step, that player draws two additional cards.

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Waste Not

Color Identity:B

Market Price: $11.07

ImageURL: https://tcgplayer-cdn.tcgplayer.com/product/124680_200w.jpg

Whenever an opponent discards a creature card, create a 2/2 black Zombie creature token.
Whenever an opponent discards a land card, add {B}{B}.
Whenever an opponent discards a noncreature, nonland card, draw a card.

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Siege-Gang Commander

Color Identity:R

Market Price: $0.77

ImageURL: https://tcgplayer-cdn.tcgplayer.com/product/162180_200w.jpg

When Siege-Gang Commander enters the battlefield, create three 1/1 red Goblin creature tokens.
{1}{R}, Sacrifice a Goblin: Siege-Gang Commander deals 2 damage to any target.

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Painful Quandary

Color Identity:B

Market Price: $13.98

ImageURL: https://tcgplayer-cdn.tcgplayer.com/product/36379_200w.jpg

Whenever an opponent casts a spell, that player loses 5 life unless they discard a card.

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Plague Reaver

Color Identity:B

Market Price: $0.18

ImageURL: https://tcgplayer-cdn.tcgplayer.com/product/226873_200w.jpg

At the beginning of your end step, sacrifice each other creature you control.
Discard two cards, Sacrifice Plague Reaver: Choose target opponent. Return Plague Reaver to the battlefield under that player's control at the beginning of their next upkeep.

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Malakir Rebirth // Malakir Mire

Color Identity:B

Market Price: $0.56

ImageURL: https://tcgplayer-cdn.tcgplayer.com/product/222103_200w.jpg

Choose target creature. You lose 2 life. Until end of turn, that creature gains "When this creature dies, return it to the battlefield tapped under its owner's control."

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Homeward Path

Market Price: $13.15

ImageURL: https://tcgplayer-cdn.tcgplayer.com/product/124536_200w.jpg

{T}: Add {C}.
{T}: Each player gains control of all creatures they own.

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Deadly Tempest

Color Identity:B

Market Price: $0.38

ImageURL: https://tcgplayer-cdn.tcgplayer.com/product/212173_200w.jpg

Destroy all creatures. Each player loses life equal to the number of creatures they controlled that were destroyed this way.

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Forbidden Crypt

Color Identity:B

Market Price: $0.35

ImageURL: https://tcgplayer-cdn.tcgplayer.com/product/2571_200w.jpg

If you would draw a card, return a card from your graveyard to your hand instead. If you can't, you lose the game.
If a card would be put into your graveyard from anywhere, exile that card instead.

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Liliana's Caress

Color Identity:B

Market Price: $6.04

ImageURL: https://tcgplayer-cdn.tcgplayer.com/product/35533_200w.jpg

Whenever an opponent discards a card, that player loses 2 life.

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Kookus

Color Identity:R

Market Price: $0.48

ImageURL: https://tcgplayer-cdn.tcgplayer.com/product/5875_200w.jpg

Trample
At the beginning of your upkeep, if you don't control a creature named Keeper of Kookus, Kookus deals 3 damage to you and attacks this turn if able.
{R}: Kookus gets +1/+0 until end of turn.

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Gutwrencher Oni

Color Identity:B

Market Price: $0.11

ImageURL: https://tcgplayer-cdn.tcgplayer.com/product/12007_200w.jpg

Trample
At the beginning of your upkeep, discard a card if you don't control an Ogre.

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War Room

Market Price: $2.26

ImageURL: https://tcgplayer-cdn.tcgplayer.com/product/226829_200w.jpg

{T}: Add {C}.
{3}, {T}, Pay life equal to the number of colors in your commanders' color identity: Draw a card.

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Koskun Falls

Color Identity:B

Market Price: $10.70

ImageURL: https://tcgplayer-cdn.tcgplayer.com/product/4517_200w.jpg

At the beginning of your upkeep, sacrifice Koskun Falls unless you tap an untapped creature you control.
Creatures can't attack you unless their controller pays {2} for each creature they control that's attacking you.

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Luxury Suite

Color Identity:B,R

Market Price: $19.81

ImageURL: https://tcgplayer-cdn.tcgplayer.com/product/166661_200w.jpg

Luxury Suite enters the battlefield tapped unless you have two or more opponents.
{T}: Add {B} or {R}.

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Discard

When deckbuilding, I tend to have a bad case of reading half the card. I guess I just get too excited. Blim does more than give away all the bad stuff we have. In fact, he makes our opponents lose life and discard cards as well. When the first steps were taken to build around Blim, we almost skipped over this piece. Loss of life is good, but discard in commander seems absolutely bonkers good. The support for it is staggering, and we have ways to either trigger discard in this deck or make them regret discarding. Either way, it's going to be a bloodbath.

When I say discard, the enchantments Megrim and Liliana's Caress come to mind. They should! They're insanely good cards, forcing the opponent to lose 2 life whenever a card is discarded. Paired with Blim, they can be discarding two, three, or four cards at a time, thus making the damage scarier than a slight shock. Another synergistic card is Waste Not. While this card doesn't necessarily hurt our opponents, it serves as token generation, card draw, and even a form of ramp. If we are making them discard consistently, then we are able to get significant value from this enchantment.

Another way for us to gain value from our opponents discarding is Geth's Grimoire. Card draw is necessary for a deck to achieve victory, and without it the game can go stagnant. If our opponents are consistently discarding, we are drawing into more terrible nasties to give away at our leisure. Our final discard engine is Anvil of Bogardan. This artifact is definitely meant to be a Trojan Horse (not to be confused with Akroan Horse). Both it and Font of Mythos are meant to appear friendly at first—after all, we draw an extra card! However, they are meant to immediately discard. Initially we want our opponents to view this as giving them options, however, with Megrim or Waste Not out, these artifacts can be incredibly fatal, nearing them to a grisly end.

You Lose!

Forbidden Coil

Games have to end. This phrase is usually uttered when someone is about to win the game. However, in this deck, it should only be said when we are about to end someone's career with some of the most fun jank ever. Thanks to Blim, we can pass out some of Magic's weirdest and funniest "lose the game" cards ever printed: Forbidden Crypt and Immortal Coil. I had never heard of them until they were recommended by chat on stream. When given to an opponent, these cards turn an empty graveyard into a death sentence. Paired with a Bojuka Bog or a Rakdos Charm, these pieces are a hysterical way to end the game for one unlucky opponent.

We aren't done just yet. This deck runs another way for an opponent to lose the game. To be honest, I find it to be one of Magic's most interesting cards ever printed: Demonic Pact. Much like a deal made with a demon, this card is very attractive at first. Card draw, damage, life gain, and discard. This enchantment seems too good to be true….and it is. The final choice is a game ender. Literally! The ideal play of this card is to cast it, reap three of its four benefits, then ship it off to another opponent for them to reap as well, until they finally bite the dust. It seems a bit cruel, sure, but at least they are able to experience some of the good stuff before the devil calls on them for their debt.

Creator's Choice

Normally I have an MVP section in my articles dedicated to the card that shines from among the rest. However, I did not build this deck alone. While I normally build decks with chat, I had a guest tag along to help me navigate the fires of Rakdos. For the initial stream of Always Be Brewing, I was joined by Meghan. As a rule, we allowed each other one card in the entire 99 that we could make an executive decision to keep. It could not be cut, nor could it be swapped. Looking back, I love this concept, as it felt like a signature we left on the final list. So, what exactly were our Creator's Choices?

Before we dove into the meat of the deck, Meghan proclaimed that she had the best bad card for this brew. This piece, she declared, was one she lovingly titled "Mishra's Meme Machine". While this may not exactly be the legal card name, this card definitely deserves the nickname. To start, this card has Banding...YES, BANDING! This alone should show you all why Meghan wanted this piece slotted in. However, it should also be noted that this card isn't bad in Blim. When given away, it fuels our discard pieces (Megrim, Waste Not, Geth's Grimoire) and can possibly deal 3 damage to our opponent which can ultimately deny them a blocker later down the line. Did I mention it has Banding?

My Creator's Choice is definitely a meme in its own as well. When I read this card, I yelped. I thought this was hysterical and I knew I had to run it. When cuts came around, I quickly vetoed Kookus. He was my ride or die. This Djinn is guaranteed to deal 3 damage to our opponents because they don't control the top-tier commander staple Keeper of Kookus. This is endlessly amusing to me. If you don't have his keeper, Kookus gets mad and pings you for 3. While yes, he is a decent beater that our opponents can pump, his burn ability coupled with the meme vibes I get from the card made him a no-brainer for me. Also...how can you not chuckle at the flavor text on Keeper of Kookus?

Blim appears to be an intimidating commander to build around, and nom it's not because he can't handle hecklers. Rakdos has a lot of good cards that come with a cost. However, a lot of those cards are still good. Cards like Liege of the Pit and Lord of the Pit can really hurt our opponents, but we still give them big attackers and blockers that can make it difficult for us to make contact with Blim. This made the list incredibly fragile. A balance was definitely needed. Despite this tricky balance, brewing this list with Meghan flowed a lot smoother. As it turns out, Rakdos has a lot of cards that like to hurt their controllers. Funny, right?