The first Pokémon movie hit theaters in America on November 10th, 1999, and children flocked to the theaters to see their favorite characters on the silver screen. The film was a financial blockbuster, with $172 million dollars worth of children (and confused parents) watching Ash and friends take on the legendary Mewtwo. Pokémon: The First Movie was so financially successful that you might be forgiven for believing that it was, in fact, a great film, but critics panned the movie. Did the critics get it wrong, or were we all blinded by nostalgia? The folks responsible for everything that goes on behind the scenes at TCGplayer Infinite investigate.

Lily: Social Media Specialist at TCGplayer. Remembers seeing this in the theater as a kid and at college at a convention. Did a ton of research beforehand in order to be an active participant in the discussion.

Jon: Manages the content that goes on TCGplayer Infinite. Saw this movie in theaters, but remembers not getting the accompanying promo with his movie ticket and the anguish it caused.

Peter: Content Editor for TCGplayer Infinite. Saw this in the theater. Pretty sure he did get the cards, but lost them. Also pretty sure he hasn't seen this movie since watching it in the theater in his youth, but has clear memories of it and is excited to see how it holds up.

Angela: Content Editor for TCGplayer Infinite. Never saw this movie in any context; when she started this job she could match maybe five Pokémon names to faces (that number is now 15).

Jackie: Digital Marketing Manager at TCGplayer. Wrote about Pokémon cards getting banned in elementary schools despite knowing nothing about Pokémon. Never saw this movie but didn't let that stop her from reviewing the soundtrack, which wasn't great.

Bre: Graphic Design Team Lead at TCGplayer. Saw this movie in theaters, dad subsequently remarked that it was the "worst movie I have ever seen; why did you make me watch this?" She was excited to see it as a kid and is excited to rewatch it now.

Quentin: Was late to the viewing because she was playing with her horse and that's all you need to know about her.

The Prologue

Bre: So I don't know about you guys but I remember having this amazing sense of happiness watching the movie, and I'm so excited to watch this as an adult.

Jon: I think I'm finally going to get a sense of, like, what my mom must have been thinking sitting next to me in the movie theater watching this. Like, this has to be just absurd.

Bre: Oh, that's my favorite thing about this!

The Film Begins

Peter: Oh, that's interesting. Mewtwo has Mew's memories.

Jon: That's not canon. Or this movie isn't canon and it's just a waste of our time.

Jon: Oh yeah, that was the art for product-hover id="108589"!

Jon: I love when we finally get the full shot of Mewtwo and it's just like a weird little…

Lily: It's a cat. It's just a big psychic cat.

Jon: Ohhhhh, okay.

Bre: The tail always bothered me.

Lily: But like the weird thing is that like, Alakazam, that entire evolution line? They're all psychic cats too.

Bre: I always thought Alakazam was a monkey.

Lily: No, I think it's a cat.

Bre: Really?

Lily: I think so; it has those ears.

Quentin: Why does Mewtwo's design include a handle on the back of its neck?

Angela: For easy carrying, obviously.

Peter: "Oh no! The psychic monster is powerful!"

Bre: What kind of terrible day must these doctors be having though? After years and years, their experiment succeeded and then their experiment kills them all.

Jon: "We have engineered a god-like creature! We should tread carefully." "No no no, just like sh** on this animal we just made because it's weird-"

Peter: Yeaaaah…

Jon: "-just like the second it wakes up we'll start sh**ing on it."

Jon: Oh! Wait, who's this?

Quentin: It's Giovanni. You know it's him cause of the cat.

Bre: I love Persian.

Angela: Is Giovanni like a mob boss?

Quentin: Yeah.

Lily: Look at them hips!

Jon: The precursor to Thanos.

Angela: Oh my god, the head thing is a handle!

Jackie: Yyyeaaah, I just noticed that.

Peter: He needs two necks to hold up his big brain.

Jon: Oof, Giovanni's accent.

Bre: God, that accent.

Lily: Yeah, that is... something.

Jon: So Mewtwo can't read minds, right? Otherwise they would know that, like, this guy is full of sh**.

Lily: But I assume Mewtwo has to be able to; it's how they're talking.

Jon: Wow, really handy that they had the custom-built Mewtwo lab.

Bre: Oh my god, it has a junk guard.

Lily: I feel like that's cheating in a Pokémon battle. You can't just send it out in armor and be like "Okay, now fight."

Jon: "We made you into a little tiny Gundam."

Jon: I looked it up: Alakazam is supposed to be a human.

Quentin: How is Alakazam human?

Jon: I don't know. I don't have that answer.

Bre: You'll never figure that out.

Jackie: Wait. Are these events supposed to be happening at different times or all at once?

Jon: We are watching the most poorly paced montage to ever exist.

Quentin: How does not knowing its purpose make it special? Literally no one knows that.

Jon: If you were born with your brain fully developed, you'd be angsty right out the gate too.

Jon: "Sh**, I thought that would work"

Jackie: Yeah, that works great on kids too.

Peter: Oh look, Mewtwo blew up another building.

Jon: "F*** you, dad!"

Bre: Now we see why this movie resonated with 90's kids.

Angela: Seriously, did all this existential crisis resonate with you as kids?

Bre: I think so?

Peter: It did, yeah.

Jon: I think I was just excited to see Pokémon fight on a movie screen, which doesn't make sense because the show did exist.

Lily: Yeah but Mewtwo was never in the show.

Jackie: Oh that was all the intro? I just thought we weren't gonna have one.

Jon: That was the cold open; it just took like three hours. [ed. note—actual runtime: 9:40]

Peter: Okay, now that makes no sense.

Jon: Oh my god, that title card cost like two dollars to make.

Quentin: They made it with PowerPoint word art.

Jon: Wow, this narration is really useful.

Quentin: I forgot they had Togepi this early.

Bre: Yeah wasn't Togepi second gen?

Lily: Yeah but they got one in season one for some reason.

Quentin: I hate it.

Lily: Togepi? It's not that bad, just kind of annoying.

Angela: So wait, do like all Pokémon have sentience?

Peter: Yes, they are all sentient.

Bre: Some are definitely dumber than others though.

Jon: Yeah, they're just like people.

Angela: I mean, I assume Pikachu is smart, but like Mewtwo is having full on internal monologue.

Peter: Well, Mewtwo is a special case.

Jon: Yeah, so I think they all have internal monologue, just some have simpler thoughts. Like Pikachu is eating right now so it would just be like, "I'm eating food right now."

Angela: It's just saying its own name.

Lily: Yeah but like there is an episode where they end up separated from the trainers and they end up with Team Rocket's Meowth, who can speak to Pokémon-

Jon: Well yeah, Meowth can speak English.

Lily: -and they are talking to each other, like having full conversations with each other, even though one Pokémon can only say its name.

Peter: I remember the first time I saw this scene, I was really upset because the first Pokémon Ash's opponent uses isn't from the original 150. And my immediate understanding of how many Pokémon there were and what they were was immediately shattered.

Lily: So before this movie, in theaters, you would have seen the Pikachu's Vacation short, which had Snubbull and Marill in it.

Peter: That also upset me.

Jon: Also Togepi is like, right there.

Bre: This battle is literally all the cute Pokémon versus the not cute Pokémon.

Jackie: Yeah and the cute ones are somehow winning.

Lily: This guy is using multiple Pokémon to try to murder Ash. Like they just rush him.

Quentin: Pokémon cheating is a big deal. Didn't Ash cheat in his first ever gym battle?

Lily: Well he did the stupid thing with Brock and the sprinkler an- Wait, how did he use electricity to beat Golem right there?

Jackie: I have a morbid question: are these things dying?

Jon: They're fainting.

Bre: Yeah.

Jackie: Ohhhhh okay.

Lily: Yeah, they don't die in battle, but apparently they can die, since Lavender Town is entirely dedicated to dead Pokémon.

Jon: Oof.

Jackie: Oh my god!

Peter: A mysterious person on an island in the middle of the ocean is monitoring Ash and friends.

Jon: They are introducing a lot of characters.

Lily: Gee, it's like we saw an island earlier in the movie or something.

Quentin: It's a little rude.

Lily: God, it's huge.

Bre: Awwww, Squirtle is on its back!

Peter: I forgot this is before Bulbasaur evolves.

Lily: I don't think Bulbasaur ever evolves.

Bre: They never grow up!

Lily: Yeah, Ash is a terrible trainer.

Jon: Yeah that's like Ash's thing in the show, right? Like he never makes them evolve, he just lets them stay in perpetual... small form.

Angela: So does Brock have eyes?

Lily: Yeah but he can't open them, otherwise they shoot Hyper Beam.

Angela: Are you joking?

Lily: Yes, I'm joking.

(everyone laughs)

Angela: Well I don't know!

Lily: Yeah, it's a recurring joke. Snorlax shoots Hyper Beam from its eyes so the joke is that Brock also keeps his closed because that's how he shoots Hyper Beam.

Angela: Ooohhhhhhh.

Angela: Ew, is that their hand?

Bre: Yeah, Mewtwo's fingers bother me too.

Angela: I don't like that.

Bre: It's like a back massager.

Lily: Yeah they just start rubbing their head when they uses their psychic power too much.

Angela: I don't want them rubbing anyone!

Angela, Jackie, Bre: Oh that's so cute!

Jon: That was the entire premise this movie was created upon: "awe, Mew is so cute." So yeah, this movie is doing its job.

Lily: Mew is pretty cute.

Jackie: So does Mew not have a head handle?

Bre: Meanwhile, in the dark, evil lair...

Angela: PUT YOUR HAND DOWN.

Jon: Yeah, it's supposed to be menacing but it only is because of how gross the hand is.

Angela: I can't.

Jon: Yeah I'm not a fan of this.

Bre: Oh god, it's just moving in circles like that.

Lily: This is excessive. We know he's whipping up the storm, you don't have to show his hand for five minutes.

Jon: This is the same movie that thought it needed a voiceover for that first scene with Ash and them that literally just said what was happening on the screen. This version of the movie just doesn't have a ton of respect for its viewer.

Bre: To be fair, it was for children ages 5-9 in 1998.

Jon: Why aren't these Pokémon just in their Pokéballs?

Lily: Yeah, this seems irresponsible.

Bre: I mean, some of them don't like being in Pokéballs, that's why Pikachu in the Yellow version never is in a Pokéball.

Peter: He doesn't like it.

Lily: Yeah, and he's kind of a d*ck about it.

Bre: Yeah, he is.

Jon: Let me guess: someone comes up with the idea of using all the flying types to fly out to the island they're all invited to?

Bre: Also can we talk about how this airport place has like a feed of the storm going on? You know, just to reinforce that you're not allowed to go out there.

Jackie: Just in case they can't see it out the giant windows.

Angela: Oh that's the creepy nurse that's everywhere. "She's cute?" Okay, what is up with Brock?

Jon: Brock's character trait is that he's the horny one.

Angela: In a kids' movie?

Lily, Peter, Jon: Yes.

Bre: He's like the only one that's hit puberty.

Jackie: Is that the one he's gonna ride there?

Lily: Yup

Jon: Can Gyarados not close its mouth?

Peter, Bre: No, it can't.

Peter: Them all leaving is serious. Like if someone gets hurt and they have to send the coast guard and the coast guard gets hurt, they could be in trouble.

Bre: Do they have a coast guard?

Lily: I mean...they have police, I imagine that's as far as they go with it.

Jackie: Yeah and she already gave up; we can't stop them.

Peter: You'll also notice that name of the woman with Officer Jenny is Miranda, just like the woman from from Shakespeare's The Tempest.

Lily: "Hey those idiots all ran off, need a boat ride?"

Angela: Wait, there are vikings?

Bre: "I can't see your eyes, I'll definitely get on this boat." OH MY GOD MEOWTH IS ON THE FRONT.

Angela: Is Meowth the figurehead on the front?

Lily: Yeah.

Jackie: "I didn't know vikings still existed?"

Bre: "They mostly live in Minnesota," what???

Lily: I'm sorry; can we talk about how apparently Minnesota exists in this world?

Jon: The localization team got pretty lazy on that one.

Jackie: Did they pay for that or was that just free advertising?

Jon: Free advertising for Minnesota?

Jackie: For the Minnesota Vikings.

Jon: I DIDN'T EVEN PUT THAT TOGETHER, wow. Gotta throw a football joke in this Pokémon movie; all the kids playing Pokémon will definitely get it.

Lily: I love how the ENTIRE outfit got washed off. Not JUST the helmet, but the whole thing EXCEPT their Team Rocket uniforms.

Bre: Look at that crop top. The 90's were like the crop top heyday.

Lily: Yeah, Misty has one too.

Quentin: Did James also have one?

Lily: Why didn't she just do this before? Misty is the water gym leader.

Bre: How does Staryu use Surf? That looks so uncomfortable. 

Angela: Does Staryu have a face?

Lily: It has that gem. That's the closest thing it gets.

Bre: Can you imagine how cold they must be? That island isn't worth this much effort.

Lily: Why are they so far down and not surfacing?

Jon: Probably because the water is calmer down there.

Lily: Yeah but humans can't breathe it.

Bre: Random question: can Ditto use Surf and Fly?

Lily: I don't think Ditto can Fly, but know who can? Doduo, the two headed, wingless bird.

Bre: Okay, so they're landing on the...mysterious, dangerous island.

Quentin: Did anyone else even make it?

Jon: This is the exact plot of the movie Mortal Kombat.

Bre: Mystery Woman!

Angela: Why do they have this, like, Elizabethan clothing?

Jackie: Dude's got like the Lady Olenna hat going on.

Bre: Because she's mysterious! How else would you know?

Jackie: "She's hot!" Brock's gonna say that, right?

Jon: Ohhhh, they're all being hypnotized by Mewtwo, right?

Quentin: Yeah, she doesn't have any gradient in her eyes, that's how you know.

Jon: So wait, is Mewtwo just harvesting Pokemon Trainers?

Peter: We're about to find out!

Lily: Mewtwo's got nothing better to do.

Jackie: It's just saying "Mew Mew Mew" over and over again.

Lily: Yeah, it can't talk.

Jackie: They just had to burn time, I think.

Lily: Yeah this movie is an hour and 15 minutes and huge chunks are just taken up with this crap.

Bre: Mew being cute and people just walking.

Lily: I'm just saying if you trimmed the chaff, it's basically just an episode, and they couldn't release THAT in theaters, so-

Jon: I think it probably originally was an episode.

Jackie: And they just had to kill time.

Jackie: Are we supposed to like them? Are they like scrappy, or are they like sorta villains, but not really?

Peter: They're ineffectual antagonists.

Jackie: Oh, so they're just like incompetent villains.

Angela: Oh, I don't like the duck.

Bre: I like Psyduck!

Jackie: Yeah I like it actually!

Jon: Psyduck's thing is that it has a constant headache.

Bre: Okay, I hate Gyarados, mostly because it evolves from freaking Magikarp, the stupidest Pokémon. I hated getting a Gyarados.

Peter: All the Pokémon are nervous. What do they sense, I wonder?

Angela: Those hips don't lie.

Jon: How much longer in this movie? It feels like I've been watching it for six days.

Lily: I think we're like halfway through.

Jon: Oh my god, we're not even halfway in.

Jackie: Oh my god, there's 45 minutes left?

Bre: Considering how deep into this we are, I feel like we don't know the characters.

Jackie: Yeah I'm not even rooting for anyone at this point.

Peter: This assumes that you already know all these characters.

Lily: Yeah that is the assumption: that you know them and care already.

Jackie: It's not very beginner-friendly.

Angela: Is this the whole plot?

Jon: My poor mom must have been bored to tears.

Bre: This is why my dad was so angry.

Jon: Yeah like, I'm so bored; this movie gives you nothing to hold on to.

Lily: Not at all.

Bre: I just remember this feeling of euphoria when watching this in the theater. I was so happy.

Jackie: Yeah, like the reviews of all the songs are just people feeling happy nostalgia.

Peter: Is he being crushed to death?

Bre: With his little orb fingers.

Quentin: Is Gyarados an eel?

Jon: It can't close its mouth.

Bre: Yeah, no, I don't think it can.

Lily: "Man, that Nurse Joy went missing weeks ago. I wonder if we should check that random island that suddenly has a giant building."

Jon: This is the dumbest thing I've ever seen in my life.

Jackie: Why did they use the Mew DNA to create Mewtwo? Is there something special about Mew?

Lily: I think Mew has the genetic template for all Pokémon. So, in theory, if they could clone Mew, they could make Pokémon however they wanted.

Angela: Did Pokémon evolve from Mew?

Lily: There's lots to unpack there but I think the short answer is no.

Angela: Okay.

Lily: But I think that was the concept. I'm pretty sure Ditto is a failed Mew clone, which is why it can transform into any other Pokémon.

Peter: Oh, I did not know the backstory for Ditto.

Jackie: Oh, they accidentally pushed a button.

Quentin: Now you can print any Pokémon you want!

Angela: Wait, is that like a Pokémon 3D printer?

Jon: Meowth's stupid newsie accent!

Bre: I do have to admire that Team Rocket does care about him.

Peter: Yeah, they do! They're good friends with each other, that's why they're loveable, even though they are both villains and incompetent.

Lily: Thank god, an exposition computer!

Jon: Real convenient for them that the machine is projecting what it's doing onto the wall.

Lily: Yeah it's just an exposition machine, it's just telling us the plot.

Jon: This movie is an exposition machine. All we're doing is finding things out.

Lily: Sure, Mewtwo just threw Gyarados around, but I'm sure this will go just fine.

Bre: Isn't its Pokédex entry like "once it gets charging, nothing can stop it?"

Angela: That's like real rhinos though, right? Like they can't turn when running?

Lily: Pretty sure that's correct.

Jackie: So you just have to change direction if one is running at you?

Angela: You'd be amazed how many idiots don't do that.

Lily: Excuse me, no. You start with one, not all three!

Jon: Ash had all three.

Lily: Yeah but he caught all three; he started with Pikachu.

Jon: Oh, right.

Lily: Also I'm calling bullsh**, he didn't evolve those.

Bre: No, he didn't, their EVs have gotta be trash.

Quentin: I remember the episode where he found Charmander and its tail was about to go out.

Lily: Yeah, it was gonna die!

Jackie: Oh what's that cute flower Pokémon?

Bre: Vileplume. It's a stinky flower.

Lily: I think Vileplume is okay; Gloom is stinky.

Peter: Does anyone know what the lines in a Pokémon Stadium denote?

Lily: It's halves. I think you're supposed to start in your half.

Peter: What are all the other lines?

Lily: One is the trainer box, which is where the trainer stands.

Peter: So Mewtwo condemns all the trainers' Pokémon as slaves for doing what their trainers say and he's using his Pokémon the exact same way.

Jackie: Pot, meet kettle.

Jon: So the voice for Mewtwo is credited as Philip Bartlett. His actual name is Jay Geode, and he put his credit for this movie under a pseudonym. Probably because this movie is a piece of sh**.

Jackie: He was so ashamed.

Jon: I can only assume that's why he did that.

Jackie: How much money did this movie make?

Lily: I'm sure it made good money, I just don't think it was well received, especially the dubbed version.

Jon: Box office was 172 million dollars against a budget of five million dollars.

Lily: Yeah the budget for this movie was garbage.

Jon: Well yeah, it looks like it cost two cents. I just wanna know where that five million dollars went.

Bre: They paid one person to painstakingly paint all those scenes that they just walked through for like the last hour.

Jon: Oh wow, Ash had a Charizard! Why didn't they fly it to the island?!

Lily: Because Charizard is a flaming d*ck and doesn't listen to any instructions it's given.

Jon: Ohhhh, right. I remember that now.

Jackie: This is a nice shot!

Bre: Dragons in space.

Peter: Yeah!

Jackie: That's kind of pretty.

Peter: As a kid, I would consider this getting my money's worth.

Bre: I'm with Peter.

Peter: Oh man, we've never seen Charizard lose a fight by being overpowered.

Angela: Is it dead?

Bre: No, it fainted.

Angela: Are these like evil Pokéballs?

Jackie: Mewtwo stole them!

Peter: Yup.

Jon: "Hey, that's my property!"

Peter: "I mean, my friend!"

Jon: So the plot of this movie is that everyone is a piece of sh**.

Lily: Yeah.

Quentin: What's the point of being moral in an amoral world?

Bre: I hope at least that Brock kisses Nurse Joy before the end of this.

Jackie: Seems likely, they're just shoving everything in at this point

Quentin: If the Pokéballs could also catch the trainers, I think that would be funny.

Jackie: Are there any he just wouldn't take?

Lily: I'm pretty sure he just ignores Togepi.

Jon: Yeah! Where's Togepi?

Lily: Misty is just holding it.

Jackie: Mewtwo is just like "Yeah, I don't need that. I'm good."

Bre: Do they have to like physically touch Pikachu? What is this? Look at all those stairs he just ran up! He must be exhausted!

Jon: No one thought to attack the Pokéballs until now.

Peter: This was legitimately terrifying as a kid. I'm feeling something.

Angela: Awwww!

Peter: I'm scared for Pikachu right now.

Lily: It is a little bit stressful if you actually care about Pikachu.

Jon: That's a big "if."

Jackie: Aww, Pikachu is getting tired. He's not going to be able to fend them off much longer.

Jon: No, I don't think so.

Bre: Catch him!

Lily: Good thing you saw that and were on the right side of the stairs.

Jon: What is your plan here?!

Lily: How deep is that?

Bre: Also, head first? You can't even dive into five foot water, let alone fall from a height.

Peter: This is what makes Ash great: he's willing to go to extraordinary lengths for Pikachu.

Bre: He wants to be the very best.

Lily: He's doing a terrible job. He has like ten Pokémon, tops.

Bre: They're just watching this like a movie.

Jackie: They haven't left that room?

Bre, Lily, Peter: No.

Jon: They're literally just standing there saying the names of the Pokémon as they show up on screen.

Peter: No, it's basically "Who's that Pokémon?" It's a tiny bit of levity in this climax.

Bre: They are literally just comedic relief.

Quentin: I want to see a human clone now.

Bre: So Mewtwo's collecting real, alive Pokémon, and is just cloning them. Like, does he get rid of the original Pokémon?

Peter: We're about to find out!

Bre: Why do you need to clone it if you already have one?

Lily: Because apparently clones are better. That's Mewtwo's logic.

Jon: This is so dumb.

Jackie: Something bad happens to Ash though, right?

Jon: I hope so. Just to like give me something to watch, you know?

Lily: Yeah, by the way, Mewtwo just releases the originals. He doesn't care anymore.

Peter: Yep.

Jon: What did my mom do the entire time she was watching this? Like, there were no cell phones back then.

Bre: I think my parents were just silently fuming while I was sitting there drooling over this.

Lily: I think my mom was asleep.

Jon: Yeah, I'd probably fall asleep.

Jackie: This is an hour and 15 minutes, right?

Lily: Yeah.

Jackie: How much is left?

Lily: 23 minutes.

Jackie: That much?

Bre: I feel like...I guess there's a plot, but-

Lily: Not much of one and it's bad.

Bre: Yeah, I really don't feel like it's strongly tethered together.

Lily: The animation of that shot of him walking out is so weird and I hate it.

Jon: It's really bad. Again, where did that five million dollars go?

Peter: Is he gonna punch Mewtwo?

Lily: He's gonna try.

Quentin: That's hilarious.

Jon: "This should work. Oh... dammit."

Jon: Mew does not seem invested in this conversation.

Lily: So, in the subbed version, Mew's response to Mewtwo in this part, because Mewtwo's whole thing is "I'm a clone and I don't know if I deserve to exist," is "you don't deserve to exist"-

Jon: Whoa!

Lily: -"and I'm going to kill you and all the clones to get rid of this abomination."

Peter: Oh wow.

Bre: That's so aggressive!

Jon: That's awesome! That movie seems far more interesting than the one we're stuck watching.

Angela: Yeeeeeah, I'm not picking up on that level of complexity right now.

Peter: Mewtwo has more going on than "someone was mean to me, so now I must destroy the world?"

Jon: I think they were ultimately right in assuming American audiences wouldn't understand something that complex.

Bre: Mew is just like "Mew Mew Mew Mew."

Angela: Mew, I don't think you're grasping the seriousness of the situation.

Bre: I think Mew may have just proved Mewtwo's point about superiority, because Mewtwo can talk at least. Also: what is Mew's stake in the game here?

Jon: Wow, yeah in this version Mew has like no skin in this game.

Lily: In this version it makes no sense and has no reason to be here. In the sub, it's mad that Mewtwo is a clone of it and wants to kill it.

Jackie: Does Mew have a trainer?

Lily: No, it's a feral cat.

Peter: Mew is kind of like Moby Dick in that you can never catch it. It's this force of nature that Mewtwo—the Ahab of this story—is at odds with.

At this point, the group's collective mind is blown at the connection Peter's making.

Bre: Peter.

Lily: Keep it going!

Peter: But you can't get revenge on nature.

Jackie: Oh, turn up the volume, I want to hear this song.

Jon: The lyrics are a little on the nose.

Jackie: Yeah, it's a little too much.

Angela: We've got an anti-war anthem right here.

Jon: (whispering) God, this is so dumb.

Bre: This is brother against brother.

Jackie: They look like they're going to nuzzle.

Lily: Aggressive kissing.

Jackie: Yeah, they're all just like aggressively kissing.

Bre: Why are they fainting?

Lily: They fought each other to exhaustion, proving that they're equals.

Bre: Oh, okay.

Angela: Oh my god, those Gyaradoses still have their mouths open.

Bre: Yeah they can't close them.

Lily: Neither can Golbat.

Bre: How many Pokémon can't close their mouths?

Lily: A lot of them have weird quirks like that.

Peter: Are they like siblings, or lovers, or-

Bre: That's the fun tension: you don't know.

Lily: They're not siblings, like that I'm 100% sure on.

Angela: "You were born different." Wow, this is deep.

Jon: Theme stated!

Lily: Just beat us over the head with it next time.

Jon: This movie assumes that whoever is watching it is just a complete idiot. Like if it didn't tell them not to, they would wander into oncoming traffic.

Peter: Ash has spent the last five minutes trying to get back to the plot. [ed. note—Ash has spent the last nine minutes trying to get back to the plot.]

Jon: "Wow, really tired myself out wailing on you."

Bre: And then the Pikachus make out!

Lily: It's like when a toddler tries to slap you in the leg and you just let them for a few minutes.

Jackie: Yeah, you just let them have their meltdown and then they go to sleep.

Angela: So toddlers are Pokémon basically.

Jackie: Except it's not cool to have them fight in battles.

Ash runs onto the battlefield with Mew and Mewtwo and gets caught in the crossfire.

Jackie: Oh, he's gonna like pretend die, for a little bit.

Lily: Yeah but it's Pokémon so he can't be a corpse. They'll just make him into a rock.

Jon: "How is this not working?"

Peter: At this point, when I saw this as a child, I was tearing up.

Angela: You were crying?

Peter: Like—not about Ash, but you feel bad for Pikachu.

Jackie: Oh, even the clones are crying!

Lily: Thus reinforcing the message that they are still valid forms of life.

Jon: They're taking a lot of Dragon Ball Z cues here. Like this is basically a spirit bomb.

Lily: Pretty sure spirit bomb was never used to being anyone back to life.

Angela: Is this like Disney magic tears?

Lily: Yeah, they're Disney magic tears.

Bre: Oh, guess the storm is over.

Lily: Yeah that sun just shot up, it's noon.

Jon: Yeah, why... I hate this. Nothing has even been resolved yet.

Jackie: Wait... was Togepi never cloned?

Lily: No, Mewtwo decided it was worthless and ignored it.

Jackie: Convenient, quick resolution.

Bre: I can see why my dad was angry.

Angela: So, is everyone gonna call their parents after this and apologize?

Bre: I think I'm gonna call my dad. He probably doesn't remember this though, he buried it deep.

Jon: I don't think Mewtwo earned that resolution.

Quentin: This wasn't a redemption arc, it was a redemption turn on a dime.

Jon: Wow, Rapidash isn't even moving in that shot, it's a static image.

Bre: They couldn't afford to animate it.

Lily: They had five million dollars.

Jon: Five million dollars, none of it on the screen. Maybe I'm just tired but I would have liked to have been entertained today.

Jackie: Oh, they all forgot it?

Peter: Yeah, they've been Inceptioned

Lily: Did they just call the storm breaking a miracle? Weather systems pass, it's sort of their thing.

Bre: The island is gone and so is the message they were supposed to have learned. They're just sh**ty humans again!

Jon: I was so confused by that as a kid: they had the message erased from their brains so they're going to continue to fight their Pokémon?